Being Alone Makes You Stronger

yes, like literally.

I exited a chat group, start thinking about fitness and get stronger.

Well, that and the ability to complete an assignment alone, earlier than other groups. That is because I have my own system, I managed myself.

Group assignment are usually done with a person doing his/her part, and then compiling all works together, instead of a true collective work where all members discuss and do together. I think the former strategy is quite messy and haphazard because one have different opinion on the assignment. Hence,, out of sync.

Yep, I feel proud because I could complete a lot alone than those in group.

Feeling accomplished!

I have trust issue

I have a trust issue.

It kinda affect me til this day.

I would doubt most of the time.

I doubt every new friendship. So any friendship that had endured for more than a decade is very precious to me. Because we have endured a lot.

I could not trust any pretty, hot girls

Especially the popular ones. I kinda think that they are fake. Well, that's my first impression, after being the bully victim. 

Some are even not so hot but would use me... especially with their homework.

You know you're a nerd if hot girls surround you only before the class starts... they are there to copy your work.

Now, these girls are (probably) living a happy life, while I am in a rut.

And PTSD.

Well, I could say life is unfair. People are nice to you only when they need your help. And I am a person who could not resist to help. Some are grateful though... they would still remember me, and thank me. Some just acted that nothing had happened.

Now, this poses a dilemma, should I do good and help others? It's a nice thing to do.

Well, just count the blessings. I might not receive the rewards now, but having people thanking you is rewarding enough. 

And be yourself. 

I've been tempted to be selfish this week, focusing more on myself. I need some 'me' time. I have scheduled a 'me' time last Valentines, but cancelled it to help a colleague preparing her presentation slides. I somehow feel that I am not appreciated, because I (through my observation after a year) think that when she had something cool to share, she'll share it with another colleague. I felt like a wall. I suddenly am visible when she needed help. Maybe it's just my assumption. Maybe it's because of the generation gap. I try not to dwell into it, but the negative thoughts would eventually surface again.

So now, I kinda only help anyone who really needs help or someone who are grateful. Well, I should be helping all, but again I am a mere mortal. I have my limits too...

Public Display of Affection... on an escalator.

I hate it when one blocks the way on an escalator. I'll consider the ill or feeble person but not an able-bodied person... (haha, I almost use cabin attendants jargon 'able-bodied passenger')

It would be more irritating if it's a young couple on a date. Like very young couple (school aged teens who were in love for the very first time)

In this part of the world, most people treat escalators as a ride instead of helping one to get to another level faster. I would not mind if that person stands to one side and let anyone behind them to pass-by or children. Like most children, I too had enjoyed escalator 'ride' when I were young. But not to the extend of riding one in Lusaka... (refer to Trevor Noah's stand-up comedy on his trip to Zambia)

One day a very young couple (high school boyfriend and girlfriend) was 'riding' an escalator in front of me. I am not used to 'riding' I climb the escalator. Why waste time on an escalator. Which is why I don't understand why most shopping complexes here don't have stairs near an escalator. Gives me an option if people decides to ride the escalator like a roller-coaster. If an escalator was not working (idle) one still have to climb the escalator... which is actually unsafe.

The pair would not budge even after I said 'excuse me'. They were in their own world. The whole world were theirs. So deeply in love? My goodness they are still young and it's puppy love and they don't know what love really is. Thanks to how movies idolize vampire and werewolves love triangle.

No, not jealous. Just annoyed.

Rechargeable watch?

I'm not sure if there are any rechargeable watch around. Well, I am in a tropical island... very laid back. Not so tech-savvy.

I went for a hike a few weeks ago. And my watch went dead. Or should I say out of charge? It there any expression in English when one need to replace the battery. I'm not a native speaker, please excuse my English. (Over here if anything needs its battery replaced, we would say that it died... maybe because we are so emphatic towards our gadgets and electronic goods)

I still haven't replace the battery. Because now I rely on my phone clock. Even the clock on the dashboard is not showing the right time. It is 10 hours 40 minutes late or maybe 13 hours 20 minutes earlier. So it would be very useful in the middle of the Atlantic... So when the dashboard showed 2350, it's really 1030.

I had the car battery replaced after a big flood fried the ECU and never change the time on the clock. So anybody driving the car would think that it's some sort of gauge instead of a clock.

Back to rechargeable watch. If only I could just recharge the watch instead of looking for a watch shop to replace the dead battery. The watch in question is a Casio, it has both analog and digital display. There's no physical seconds hand (or needle, we called the hands on the clock needles) but it has a 'digitalised' seconds ticker. With the added features (like most Casios) it uses  button batteries instead of one.

The last time I replaced the battery was 4 years ago, because the digital display began to look fuzzy... or faint? And I would need the watch to count the pulse rate and other vital signs. I was still in the big-city then. I bought the watch at a town-near-a-big-river 8 years ago. It's still in a good shape.

I like the watch, It has been with me since before I have PTSD.

p/s I am aware that there's such thing as smartwatch,