Emotionally distant parent...

One thing that I have in common with Robin Scherbatsky is our pursuit to get our father's approval. It's hard to get my father's attention. Maybe because I am the middle child. The neglected one. He is indifferent to my achievement. He would reward his nephews and nieces whenever they get a 'good' result. My result is better than theirs, but I seldom get any reward or at least a congratulations.

Yeah, it is sad to be sidelined by your biological father. This causes me to doubt my paternity. Maybe these deep seated insecurity caused me to just flop. Daddy issue. Achieving good performances without rewards, is tolerable. But watching your father rewarding the others with 'not so great' achievement, it's just painful. Denied by your own father. I don't mind if my parents don't acknowledge my achievements all this while, but if rewarding, as they say, is not necessary, then don't just simply reward the others. That's not fair.

Growing up with such parents is painful. They never appreciate it when you're getting the best results in exam. But they would scold you non-stop if you fail. Why not for once, typical Asian parents be grateful. We are 'a gift' from God. Going to the church every week, doesn't mean, that person is abiding with our Lord. That's an abuse, emotionally.

I made a mistake pursuing my father's approval. The cheapskate Medical College. He was proud. But only for a while. Until a home-wrecking cousin, his brother's son, came to live with us. Believing his nephews more than his own son, that's my old man. That home-wrecker framed me. I did nothing. I gave my bedroom, while I slept in the living room.

Back then, I am a positive thinker. My other siblings were doubtful, knowing what this conniving cousin could do. They are opportunist, taking advantage of my father's 'kindness'. I thought of giving them a chance. Who know we need their help next time. Yeah, the positive side of me backfiring.

I was framed. He purposely left our house when I was at home for my holiday. My father, the 'kind' uncle blamed me. He said that my cousin left because I mistreated him. He left because there's no freedom in my house. No smoking, no drinking, curfew at 2000 hours. He's a smoker, and goes to club regularly.

Now, whenever somebody asked me to think positively, I would just give them a sharp stare. Being positive 'eats' me. Obviously, they have a loving parents, non-opportunistic relatives and a parent who looks through all angle before penalizing them. Obviously, their live is 'smoother' than mine.

Now, there are few teardrops on my keypad. Life is sometimes unfair.

The only thought that keep me going is... to be honest... to go to Canada. I don't know when would it be, but I'm positive that I would one day go visit the 'land where the kind lady came from'

It's funny how a small act of kindness from a Canadian lady keeps me going.